Meet the Therapist: Damien Kelly
Damien Kelly is a therapist in London and online
What attracted you to become a therapist?
I have always maintained a deep fascination with human behaviour, which prompted my decision to pursue a degree in psychology during my university years. Subsequently, upon relocating from Dublin to London, I secured a position with the NHS as an Assistant Psychologist in a forensic ward. However, whilst working there, the profound impact of medication on the individuals under the service's care left me disheartened, leading to a shift in my career trajectory.
I transitioned to a role in a personality disorder service, where I provided dialectical behaviour therapy, an experience that I found profoundly invigorating. This role served as a catalyst, broadening my understanding of the therapeutic process. As I engaged with clients, I developed an acute awareness of the ramifications of disrupted attachments, sparking my contemplation on how best to address their needs. This contemplation instigated my decision to pursue training as an attachment-based psychoanalytic psychotherapist.
Where did you train?
I had the privilege of training at the Bowlby Centre, a wonderful place focusing on attachment-based psychotherapy. The centre emphasises the importance of early attachments and how they affect our relationships and well-being later in life. The training I received there has enriched my approach, and now I can provide more thoughtful and practical support to my clients.
Can you tell us about the type of therapy you practise?
I'm passionate about attachment-based psychoanalytic psychotherapy, which combines Bowlby's attachment theory with psychoanalysis. This approach allows us to explore unconscious processes and better understand the human psyche. By delving into early attachments and their impact on later relationships, I aim to support my clients in making meaningful and lasting changes.
How does attachment-based psychotherapy support clients?
I routinely engage with individuals who have undergone profound childhood traumas, often rendering them unable to articulate their experiences and notably guarded. Nonetheless, their relational patterns invariably manifest within the therapeutic setting, and it is through the use of transference and countertransference that I facilitate my clients' comprehension of their internal world.
Over time, I guide them in acknowledging and embracing their defences, enabling them to integrate the fragmented aspects of their psyche, ultimately fostering a more cohesive and stable existence.
What sort of people do you usually see?
I specialise in working with a diverse adult clientele spanning a wide age range. Clients typically present with a range of issues, including personality disorders, childhood sexual abuse, eating disorders, low self-esteem, shame, and relationship challenges. A prevalent theme among my clients is the struggle with emotional burdens.
Have you noticed any recent mental health trends or wider changes in attitude?
There has been a notable increase in the willingness to engage in open discussions about mental health and wellbeing. Consequently, many of my clients are seeking validation of pre-existing diagnoses. While I am receptive to delving into these issues and acknowledge the significance of diagnoses, I am inclined to refrain from utilising labels, opting instead to perceive each individual as an entity distinct from diagnostic classifications.
What do you like about being a therapist?
Being a therapist is an incredible privilege! I cherish building emotional connections with my clients, seeing them grow, and helping them find their voice. The trust that develops between us is the most remarkable and inspiring part of my job.
What is less pleasant?
It is often said that the least pleasant aspect of being a psychotherapist is the administrative part. Nevertheless, writing notes and ensuring they are kept secure is exceptionally satisfying for me. Doing the admin work is an integral part of this role, allowing me to categorise my clients and further engage with the work.
Sometimes, the uncertainty that can come with the job can be unpleasant. Sitting with the not knowing, which can manifest in many aspects of my work, can be disconcerting. I like reflecting on these feelings to understand what may be happening for my clients.
How long have you been with Welldoing and what you think of us?
I'm new to Welldoing, and I like the website. The interface is easy to navigate, and I enjoy looking at other therapists' profiles. It's interesting to see how different therapeutic approaches are described.
The website is an excellent tool for clients to connect with therapists, especially with all the filters that can be added to help clients find the right therapist.
I also enjoy the CPD events and the peer support group, which I have found very useful.
What books have been important to you in terms of your professional and personal development? Do you ever recommend books to clients?
This is a difficult question, as many books have influenced me as a psychotherapist, leading me to this career. Of course, Freud needs to be mentioned, especially On Mourning and Melancholia. David Wallin’s Attachment in Psychotherapy is also an essential book; we used this a lot in my training.
Other important books I am currently reading include Anne Gray’s An Introduction to the Therapeutic Frame, Linda Cundy’s Anxiously Attached, Daniel Shaw’s Traumatic Narcissism, John Steiner’s Psychic Retreats, Brett Kahr’s How to Flourish as a Psychotherapist, Gwen Adshed’s The Devil You Know; finally a significant book for me is by Jody Messler Davies and it's called Treating the Adult Survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse: A Psychoanalytic Perspective.
I don't often recommend books to my clients, but if I would, two books come to mind: Bessel van der Kolk’s The Body Keeps the Score, simply because I feel that the book is more accessible to the general population, and Marsha Linehan’s DBT Workbook.
What you do for your own mental health?
As a psychotherapist, it is essential for me to take care of my mental health, and I do this in various ways. I am an avid reader and always enjoy reading good novels. I also often go to the cinema; there is something extraordinary about being away from the world and indulging in a good film. But my most important things are a healthy diet and sound sleep. Combined with lots of nature, particularly hiking, these are incredibly important for maintaining a healthy mind.
You are a therapist in London. What can you share with us about seeing clients in this area?
I work as a therapist in London, and one thing that stands out is the diversity of clients I see. With such a large population, there isn't one specific group of people that I work with. I see individuals from various backgrounds and cultures, which makes working as a psychotherapist in the city so exciting.
What’s your consultation room like?
I work from two distinct consultation rooms. My Caledonian Road consulting room is in north London, offering a down-to-earth ambience in a residential area.
Conversely, my Cavendish Square room exudes an air of refinement and exclusivity as it is in central London. Despite their differences, both spaces boast a welcoming and comfortable environment, fostering a confidential and relaxed atmosphere.
What do you wish people knew about therapy?
Understanding the extensive journey to becoming a therapist and the dedication required to fulfil our professional roles would benefit people. Our profession is often undervalued, and the intricate process of becoming a registered therapist needs to be fully appreciated.
Furthermore, it would be helpful for individuals to recognise that therapy is not a linear process. It can evoke complex emotions that cannot simply be wished away, and as a therapist, my role is to support and sit with you through these challenging feelings.
What did you learn about yourself in therapy?
After almost a decade of therapy, I've gained a wealth of self-knowledge. One critical insight I've acquired is recognising the strength of my defences and the challenge of letting go of them.
